The Stage Hand

by John Ringham

Passed to by Pete Goodwin. The verse was given to him by the author while working at the Royal Exchange Theatre in Manchester. 
I sing you a song
Of the jolly, jolly stage hand,
Smash, crash, bang bash, hie wallop dee.
Stomp around the stage
In our brown Doc Martins,
A cheerful, happy band of clatterers are we.
Carefree, hey ho, clatter O ree.
Pony tails, bleached
And ripped old denims,
Bash, smash, bang, crash, crunchery roh.
Banging up flats
And bracing them with counter-weights,
Cleating up the lines with a flicking, skilful throw.
By heck, clever lads, bodgery O.
One or two jars in the Old Red Lion first,
Slop, slurp, swig, burp, tiddly oh aye,
In through the stage-door,
Meet up in the scene dock,
Five card stud, and we’re playing deuces high.
Deal lad, ante up, sloshery rye.
Whose on tabs then?
Isn’t that the scene-change?
Clump, clang, clink, clank, thundery-dee.
If you’re passing,
Check that loose tormentor, Bill.
Up into the grid, Tom, and check on number three,
Rostrums, treads, a-bangery mee.
When we die, sir,
We don’t simply fade away,
Flag, flop, droop, drop, thumpery O!
You’ll still hear us,
In our brown Doc Martins,
Making ghostly clumping in each and every show.
Cheers lads, see you, clump away O!
With a …
Bash, smash, bang, crash, clattery, aye,
Slop, slurp, swig, burp, tiddly aye ree,
Clump, clang, clink, clank, thundery fie,
Flag, flop, droop, drop, cheerie cheery me.