Things you'll never hear a Fight Director say...

• Yeah - it's fine that you can't get the real weapons til the final dress rehearsal... no worries.
• As you've not got a budget for fights for your period production of Romeo and Juliet, of course I'll direct them for free... no worries.
• It's fine that you don't have time to do any fight rehearsals til after the technical runs… no worries
• You want me to provide weapons for free? Sure!

• "Can you get the actors to do it as good as you do it?"
• "Can we do that large broad sword fight in bare feet?"
• "Is two free tickets to a Saturday matinee enough payment for the 70 hours you have put in?"
• "Can we get you to come in on the last preview and look at what we have put together?"

• Oh you don't need a fight director because you know what you are doing?
• Oh you don't need a fight director to work out that broad sword fight as you have got a fencer in the show??
• You want the disarm of that sword to fly through the air towards the star cloth?
• You want the disarm of that sword to fly through the air towards the audience?
• So let me get this right; you want a full blown battle with 16 actors and you have given me 2 hours...and sorry what was that?... no one has done any stage combat before?
• You dont need any advice on the contact slap you are doing... ???